I think there are life lessons to be learned from karaoke. In 2014, during my first karaoke experience, I came to the realization, in a room full of complete strangers, that Whitney Houston’s version of Chaka Kahn’s, “I’m Every Woman” is not anywhere near, around, or a stone’s throw within my range. I learned that night that while I, too, am every woman and it’s all in me, I just happen to sing that song in the key of, “It’s not for you, sis.” I also learned to acknowledge my limitations and play to my strengths. See? A life lesson. I now stick to the rivers and the lakes I can carry a note to with TLC and Destiny’s Child hits. What I like most about karaoke is that it allows people to let go of inhibitions, the fear of failure, and just have fun. Karaoke makes it easy to laugh and not take yourself too seriously. While a night of crooning classic tunes with friends and strangers may have moved to virtual chats for now as we all continue to deal and cope with the effects of COVID-19, I have been thinking about what would happen if we approached situations that we perceive to be embarrassing or we perceive to induce feelings of doubt, fear, and imposter syndrome with the same candor it takes to sing karaoke? Imposter syndrome can be a hard feeling to shake and overcome. First coined in the 1970s by psychologists Suzanne Imes, PhD, and Pauline Rose Clance, PhD, as “imposter phenomenon,” imposter syndrome is a belief that one’s achievements are a fluke or based on luck. It can lead to feeling like a fraud and a fear that someday you will be found out. Like every notable villain, imposter syndrome has a calling card. This takes the form of bringing on bouts of feeling like you do not deserve or will not be able to live up to certain opportunities, questioning if you are “good enough” to be around peers or people you have deemed noteworthy, and second guessing your knowledge and experiences. Worst of all, imposter syndrome is good at making people feel like they are the only one dealing with the issue when research suggests that nearly 70% of people will experience some form of it in their lives. I believe people are already equipped with the potential needed to accomplish their goal. The improvements picked up along the way are about enhancement. I’m talking about coming to the table knowing you’re already good enough to be there and the skills and lessons learned are tools that will further enhance who you already are. At every stage in life, especially in times of doubt and imposter syndrome, worthiness and value can be hard to remember. I hope you can use these tips and think of some of my favorite quotes if you ever start to forget. take note of your stats![]() It’s easy to rattle off the game highs of our favorite athletes or the top albums from our favorite artists, but how often do we think of our best moments in the same way? When questioning your abilities, go beyond the bullet points on your resume to fend off imposter syndrome. Take stock of your achievements, the impact you have had on others, and the skills you have now that you once were working towards. You might not be a supervisor, but were you able to leverage your skills and knowledge to help influence a decision that was beneficial to the company? Have you been able to see growth in the mentee you took on last year through a local volunteer opportunity? Can you now finish in an hour something that used to take three hours and prayer? Just as I had to learn the hard way at karaoke, take pride and build confidence in what you are good at. Knowing and being able to recall what you are capable of and the influence you have gained can be helpful when doubt starts to creep in. Plan for Moments of DoubtWhether it’s putting aside money every month for repairs or keeping an umbrella in the car for rain, people typically plan for those “just in case” moments. A friend once told me that if she can’t remember the lyrics to a song, she reminds herself to just mouth watermelon until the part she knows comes on again. Planning for moments when you begin to question yourself and your abilities is important. When I coach people on setting goals and making career plans, I have them write down three things they will do if feelings of imposter syndrome start up. In the moment, when you are coming up with a plan and setting goals, having to think about what will happen if they go astray can feel like you are being negative. This is where I would challenge you to shift your perspective. Planning for the moments you may start to second-guess yourself is a proactive way to stay in line with your goal or finish an important project for work. A plan for doubt can simply be to call a friend, mentor, or book a therapy appointment to talk through what is going on. Talking yourself up with positive affirmations can help too. Speaking out loud about why you are good enough can feel funny or awkward in the moment, but research suggests that it is a good way for people to solve problems under pressure. A trick for me is to look at my favorite quotes, speeches, or scriptures to remind myself to believe and move forward. One of my favorites on overcoming imposter syndrome is from Luvvie Ajayi, an award-winning author and one of my favorite podcasters. Set Realistic Expectations and Give Yourself GraceThe Desiderata has gotten me through many tough days. The full poem hangs in my bedroom and I keep a copy at my desk. The poem is filled with gems but the reminder to be gentle with yourself is one I find helpful when working through challenges. I can tell you to be realistic with your expectations and give yourself grace, but I personally know it can be hard to practice. There is a drive that fuels the expectation that everything with your name on it has to be nothing short, if not better, than perfect, especially the first time. While admirable, if not properly balanced, this can lead to burnout and even greater frustration. Yes, we should aim to do our best work, but we should also practice getting comfortable that when things go wrong it is an opportunity to learn and be prepared for the next time things do not go as we plan. At work, setting realistic expectations may look like first being honest with yourself about how long a new task will take given your current workload. If it’s a task you can handle, work it in but if you know you are already at capacity, be honest in communicating your current priorities to your supervisor and teammates so you can align or shift work based on the timeline instead of trying to get all of it done. Grace comes in by not feeling like asking for help or having to pivot means that you could not handle the work—like imposter syndrome can make people believe—but rather celebrate your ability to be self-aware and make sound decisions. |
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